1 John 4:18

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made in perfect love."

If you haven't noticed, I've been taking an unannounced hiatus. Not intentionally, but because there has been so much going on in my life emotionally and spiritually that I have become overwhelmed, drawn out too thin, consumed by things that are out of my control and manipulated in multiple situations that when I sit down to write or record, it's like staring at a wall. I don't know what to write or speak.

Partially because there is this sense of fear instilled in me that's always been a struggle of mine. That someone will use these words, internalize it, and use it as ammo against me or weaponize it and say, "See, her theology isn't correct or she's taking God's word out of context." Or the plain question of, "Who am I that someone will read this or hear this and actually make a change or difference in someone's life?"

So I had to go back to the beginning of it all. I had to ask myself, "Why did I start this in the first place?" I never wanted it to feel like a failed thing that I abandoned. This is something that the Lord planted in my mind as an idea to spread His word, relate to people in my own circumstances, find ways others can relate to situations or feelings I've had or am going through and how to bring the Lord into all of it. I had to remind myself that regardless of who or what audience I have, this is still good. Because He is good. It's all rooted in Him.

There should not be fear when I'm writing about something and bringing His word into it in a way that honors Him, glorifies Him, loves Him. This world, life, people will always have ulterior motives or different agendas, but who shall I fear when I have the Holy Spirit within me? I'm not doing anything wrong by writing or fear that it may be turned around and used against me because then that would mean there's a sense of guilt resulting in punishment. There's no punishment here, not in these words, not in my agenda because my agenda is what He has for me and I love the God who loves me and gave His only son for me.